Navigating the Holidays: Compassion, Awareness, and Choice
The festive season is well underway now, and although we can be lulled into the fantasy that everyone is joyfully singing Christmas carols, and helping each other decorate the house in magical twinkling fairy lights whilst the most sublime cooking and baking smells stream forth from the kitchen…. , the reality is that more often it can bring a real mix of emotions: including stress, nostalgia, resentment and even grief.
The good news is that it is possible to keep the ‘spirit of Christmas’ alive if you are willing to be honest with those you are spending time with. It might even surprise you just how many of your friends and family would also prefer to scale down the expectations and commercial aspects of Christmas too, so it’s worth having that honest chat with people. I can’t tell you how liberating it is, when you choose honesty and compassion, over duty and fantasy.
Whether you’re spending it with challenging company, alone, or somewhere in between, this time of year can offer an invitation to deepen self-awareness and reshape your experience. Personally I have always found Christmas to be incredibly challenging for multiple reasons, so I wanted to write a few words that may help others who also struggle at this time of year.
Choosing Presence Over Numbing
The holidays often come with temptations to escape discomfort through food, alcohol, or binge-watching TV. While these can offer temporary relief, they may leave you feeling more disconnected. Instead, ask yourself: What am I truly feeling? What do I really need right now?
If sadness arises, acknowledge it without judgment. It might not just be nostalgia for the past but grief for connections you never had. This can be a profound realisation—one that invites self-compassion. Grieving unmet needs is valid and allows space for healing.
Reclaiming Your Holidays
The festive season is just a label. What if you reframed it entirely? Instead of feeling obligated to participate in traditional celebrations, see this time as a rare opportunity:
- If it weren’t “the holidays,” what would you do with this time off?
Perhaps it’s reading, journaling, trying a new creative project, or spending extra hours in nature. Allow yourself to dream freely. - How much do you want to engage?
It’s okay to step back from festivities that feel draining. You can connect on your terms, choosing meaningful interactions over obligatory ones.
Compassionate Practices for Emotional Balance
- Mindful Awareness:
When emotions rise, pause and breathe. Notice where they sit in your body. Instead of avoiding them, explore them gently—like an inner dialogue with yourself. - Gratitude with Depth:
Beyond listing things you’re grateful for, reflect on their significance. Gratitude for a warm home, for instance, might point to your deep desire for safety and comfort. - Reconnecting with Joy:
Seek small, deliberate acts that bring genuine happiness: making a nourishing meal, lighting a candle, or playing music that soothes your soul.
For Those Spending the Holidays Alone
This can be a time to rebuild your relationship with yourself. Without the usual noise of gatherings, it’s a chance to dive inward:
- Rituals for Reflection: Create your own ceremony to honour the year past and set intentions for the next. Take some time for doing something creative, paint, draw, build, bake, write, journal….
- Explore Your Values: Use this time to align your actions with what truly matters to you.
- Volunteer: Supporting others can remind you of your interconnectedness. Much research has now proven that one of the biggest factors to happiness has been found to be in ‘contribution’ to others.
For Those Facing Difficult Gatherings
- Anchor Yourself: The bottom line is that it is not always ‘safe’ to be yourself at some gatherings or with some people. Know that you never ‘have’ to go to these events, however, If you choose to go to these gatherings anyway, visualise the version of yourself you want to bring to the table—calm, confident, and kind. If there are things you do not want to share about your life with others, you can deflect attention by showing interest in others and asking them questions. Not only will it make things more comfortable for you, but most people love to talk about themselves so they will feel like they’ve had a really good time.
- Release Perfection: The holidays are rarely flawless. Embrace their imperfections and focus on moments of connection, however small.
- Choose Compassion for Others (and Yourself): Recognise that challenging people often act from their own wounds. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behaviour but understanding it to protect your peace.
Honouring the Complexity of the Season
The holidays can bring joy and sorrow, connection and loneliness. Acknowledge the full spectrum of your feelings. Let yourself grieve what was or wasn’t, and honour your power to shape what will be.
This season, may you choose presence, nurture your spirit, and embrace this time with tender self-compassion.
Sending all the love, light and compassion in the world – Penny xx