It’s that time of year again when we turn reflective…
It can either be a source of much joy as we look towards spending time with loved ones, or it can be a time when the pressures of conformity or isolation can have a profoundly crippling effect on us
If the latter is you, please remember you are not alone. More people than ever are ‘opting out’ of societal pressures, and until we all find our new groove it may feel a tiny bit uncomfortable…. But don’t confuse discomfort and strangeness for feeling ‘bad’.
The key to dealing with anything – is to embrace it. With as much compassion as possible, always turn it into a choice.
Alone this Holiday Season? I know this can be a very uncomfortable position for many people, often because of the perceived notion that everyone else simply must be having more fun because they are at least together.
Its totally understandable.. And yet, I can promise you that there are as many challenges for those who are not alone at Holiday times as for those who are. It is not so much a matter of which position you are in, but more, where your head is at about it. For introverts, the idea of getting time to do exactly what they want, when they want is idyllic… no arguing with anyone about the TV, you can eat what you want, when you want. Take time to try out a new hobby or skill. Write something, read something. Check out the local ‘meet up’ groups; volunteer to help out with local charities, check on an elderly neighbour; bake something for the homeless…
People might rattle off the above list of benefits or suggestions, and yet it could still leave you cold.. If that is you, then firstly I just want you to know, that is ok. You do not have to feel ‘lucky’. And it is ok for you to feel sad and wish things were different. Because resisting those feelings will never work anyway.
In which case, the truth is that until you have really let yourself feel the sadness, the unfairness and disappointment, you will not feel ready to take steps towards a different experience. But once you allow yourself to really feel how you feel, AND then you’ve asked yourself ‘given that, what would I like instead’, your body will quite naturally start popping images up of things that will bring you more joy. And when it does… just give it a go x
So to those who have committed to spending time with people but wish you weren’t.. Firstly – I will caveat this with ‘you never have to spend time with toxic people’, (please see my other blog about that), but if we are talking about spending time with those who are just not exactly your tribe, then the key is to surrender to the experience, and make it a choice to be there. Throw yourself into this almost like a meditation.
Firstly how well do you really know this person (s)? Could you spend time trying to find out a bit more about them? People love to share information on topics they love. Even if this is not a topic that you share the love of, you may find a new level of appreciation for them when you can connect over a feeling. That could be passion, honour, integrity, charity, adventure etc…
When you change your focus to the feeling that drives the interest, rather than the topic itself, we often find there is more that connects us to each other than separates us.
- Soften and Breathe: This is my go to mantra 😉
The body is a powerful barometer for what is going on in the mind and we get instant physical biofeedback for our thoughts. As soon as we feel someone is rubbing us up the wrong way, our voice will tighten, maybe go up an octave (or down), get louder.. (or quieter).. our shoulders and jaw may tense, our eyes might become more fixed and our forehead may furrow. Also our breath will have got more shallow and fast. Any of these are powerful warning signs that we are becoming stressed and are likely to start acting from a place that will not be for our (or anyone’s) highest good.
Now is the time to turn the biofeedback loop back on itself. If you consciously tell your body to soften, paying attention to focus on all the places that have gone tight, and you bring more depth to your breath, slowing it right down, it can completely change your experience in the present. You will literally start to bring peace to your body, which will start to impact your thoughts. It is hard to hold onto thoughts of frustration when your making your body go soft and limp. Try it out 😉
- Is this mine?
As an Empath, this is such an important question I make sure to ask myself frequently when around others. Empaths feel other people’s emotions acutely in their own system, and often they find the boundaries between themselves and others get a little blurred. Sometimes they feel sad for no reason, or have got rattled without provocation – and this is because they have inadvertently picked up on someone else’s un-owned feelings. It is therefore a good habit to ask yourself if the feeling you are feeling is actually yours. You do not need to know who’s it is.. just ask the question internally to yourself and then see if you feel lighter or heavier about the answer.
If your mind pops up a ‘no’ in answer and that makes you feel lighter, then just lovingly send the feeling to the earth to be redistributed (or return to sender with love, if you know who’s it is). You will not be doing anyone any favours by taking on someone else’s stuff, in fact quite the opposite, so this is a really good housekeeping tip that will bring balance for all.
- Ho’ opono pono – the Hawaiian clearing mantra of forgiveness <3
This is one of my all time favourites, which my whole family have been using for decades, and has an immediate impact on everyone around you – like MAGIC. It means simply ‘to make right’ (to self and others).
The governing principle is we are all one, and we are all responsible for the world we are creating. As everything is made up of energy and vibration, our own thoughts and experiences have an impact on the experiences we draw into our lives, and in turn those experiences create a mirror to help us heal and grow. When we take responsibility for all things that come into our awareness, clearing it through forgiveness and love, we can clear the unconscious vibrational data and change how we experience or perceive the world around us.
Incredibly, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len a Psychiatrist in Hawaii was able to cure a whole hospital of criminally insane patients by the daily clearing of his own energy field in relation to how he felt reading his patients case notes. He asked himself- “What is going on in me that I am creating this experience?” And then used the mantra to clear and release the shared “data” or karma he had with these patients.
There is obviously a lot of research and data to back up this story, but the amazing thing is you can feel the effect in your own life really quickly, by just reciting the mantra yourself. Whist you recite the mantra, bring loving energy to those unconscious parts of yourself that might be running patterns or beliefs which unknowingly bring about the very experiences that you ’don’t’ want to have in your vicinity.
The mantra is simply ‘I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you’ and is repeated again and again silently to yourself. Your focus is clearing whatever patterns might be attracting whatever negative experience you are finding yourself in.
Over the years I have taught this to EVERY client I see, and I absolutely delight in hearing the many stories from the mundane to the miraculous that each of them share with me. One of the quickest ways to witness how effective this is, is to silently use it when witnessing an argument or raised words or during any road rage incidents. You can watch in real time as the energy calms. You must be sincere in the practice of it though
- Interesting point of view…
We all have our opinions.. and Holiday/Xmas gatherings with the abundance of alcohol and sugary foods, are likely to make most of us want to share our pearls of wisdom, even when they might not be as wanted by the receiver 😉
One of the best neutralising phrases I learned (from Dr Dain Heer) was just to simply say ‘Interesting point of view’, when it seemed there’d be no meeting of minds between opinions. It is the height of ignorance to assume we know it all. There is always something new to learn even if we might not always be ready to hear it. By reciting ‘interesting point of view’, we are practicing compassion, humility and tolerance. It feels so much nicer to our system to do this rather than to squabble or push our opinion on someone, however well meaning it is.
- The quality of your life is determined by the quality of questions you ask…
Another helpful and yet highly simple tool is to just ask the universe ‘How does it get any better than this?’ Whether things are going swimmingly well, or not quite to plan.., this is a wonderful question to put out to the Universe. You can say it aloud in response to a need, or you can ask silently in your head when you need a little extra help.
The universe loves to answer questions, so you are inviting better things into your experience by placing this open question into the ether. Again there have been miraculous stories from people who asked this simple question of the Universe. Try it and see how things might unfold for you. One story was of a lady who used it when she’d missed a flight and not only did the lady on the flight desk find her a new flight, but she also managed to secure an upgrade… just by asking that one question =)
- Remember you are not a tree. If you are feeing uncomfortable, move
Move your body. You do not have to remain trapped by difficult conversation. Bathroom breaks can give you that much needed space to work out how you feel about something, and time to learn what you need to do for your own sanity. Get up and move about often. Also offering to do little chores like making the tea or washing up is not just helpful to those around you, but it can really pay dividends to yourself just to get a little alone time.
- Bring out the Caapi <3
Finally, remember to take your Caapi drops. Banisteriopsis Caapi, renowned for tackling stress and anxiety, is a huge source of comfort at this time of year. With its ability to inhibit the enzymes that break down our feel good hormones: serotonin and dopamine, many report increased feelings of peace and wellbeing while micro-dosing. It is also noted that boundaries feel firmer too, which is a huge bonus when suddenly spending more time with multiple personalities in close quarters. Personally I also find my reactions to frustrations are soothed when micro-dosing Caapi, and I am far less likely to react to perceived irritations.
I hope these tips for surviving and thriving the holiday season might help to make your holidays a little sweeter, please feel free to share with anyone you think may also find them helpful.
Here at De-Vine Spirit we want to support you no matter which path you are currently journeying. And to say a big thank you for your support this year, we would like to offer you a seasonal gift of 10% discount on any ‘Pure Caapi’ * orders made between now and 16th December 2019 using coupon code HAPPYHOLS.
Maybe now is the time to ‘share the Caapi love’ with friends and family and give a truly unique gift to loved ones <3
(*offer is for Pure Banisteriopsis Caapi only)